next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
