Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
