They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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