Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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