u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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