I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
