If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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