the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
