why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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