I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
this just has baby written all over it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
