whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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