The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
