He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
