but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
