you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
