he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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