is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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