Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize