i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
