i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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