Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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