i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
