took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
