I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
