my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
