Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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