I met the friendliest cop last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
