East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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