Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
