i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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