She went from zero to smokin in five shots
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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