Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
