We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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