Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
