you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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