I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize