a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
