they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's a Shit stain on my heart
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
