Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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