Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize