my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
