She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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