I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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