i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
