i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
