I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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