i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
