My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
