We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
