3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
