Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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