This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
