it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she peed on how many people?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
