Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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