He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
