i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
one might say we're banned from that church
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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