She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize