So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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