your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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