I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
