what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i dont even know how to be here
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
