R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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