What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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