Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
