I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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