There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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