is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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