Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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