Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
