I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
