smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
