you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
