I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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