Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
