Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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