I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
