a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
