Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
farters have to be the big spoon...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
