Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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