Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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