im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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