I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
