You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
