So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
