Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
