porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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