But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
