I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
