your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
