I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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