Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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